The Forever Prayer Vigil

I just spent an entire hour praying; I prayed for the campus, the students, the faculty and staff, the community, the unity, the spiritual warfare and my own life. I sat on my bed, with my Bible and the piece of paper with all the ideas for things to pray for during that one hour that I signed up for. I picked Monday @ 2 p.m. Why? Because there was no way that I wanted to get up at 3:00 a.m. and pray for one hour when I could be sleeping. Selfish much or in need of my rest? Oh, probably both.

I think the idea of the prayer vigil is a wonderful idea to really get the campus filled and showered with God's Word and God's love. I mean, I'm sure at some points, people forget that they signed up for a time, so for that one hour, there is nothing going on. I don't think that's a bad thing by any means, but maybe that person then makes it up later (when, at that time, two people might be praying at the same time.) However, could something happen in that hour, something horrible, just because someone forgot to pray? Oh, probably.

But if you think about it, this prayer vigil is only taking place in a one week span of time. That means that all other weeks, there is not usually someone praying for our campus and it's needs. Does bad stuff happen then? Oh, probably.

I believe that prayer really does change things; otherwise, why would we even do it or believe that it works? 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 specifically says, PRAY CONTINUALLY. What the heck does that mean? Well, obviously it means that we are to be in constant prayer with God. What the heck does that mean? Well, obviously we need to always be talking to him and thinking about him - that's what I think. That's what I mean by the forever prayer vigil. But, that is mighty hard to do when we have homework to do, blogs to write, people to talk to and places to go. God also says "Because your love is greater than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands." Psalm 63:3-4. Everything that we say and everything that we do and everything that we think is supposed to be glorifying to God - praising to God. How come we don't always do that? It's hard, I will definitely admit to that. But I think it can be done. I think we need to have a Forever Prayer Vigil - but I don't think it needs a sign up sheet. We need to live our lives worthy of the one that made it worthy to live. We need to always have God in our thoughts, heart, words and actions. This is something that I have been working on in my heart since school ended last semester, and continue to strive towards that goal and that lifestyle. Can we do that? Can I do that? Oh, probably :)

oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy

Is it wrong to question your feelings? Am I even questioning my feelings at all? I love Alex with my whole heart, that's a for sure thing, but why do I feel distant from him sometimes? And most of all, why do I consistently - night after night - have dreams about other guys? I honestly think I really do know why.

My body, my mind, my soul - they are deprived of that physical touch.

I mean really, dreams - do they mean anything at all?

I highly doubt it. I think it might have to do with multiple things on my mind. What do I have on my mind? Well obviously making out with Alex. Ha! And since the boys in my dreams are all LCC boys (except for one I think) they must just be on my mind because I see them all the time. So, to put two and two together, I dream about making out with other boys.

That means nothing. I know it can't. I know how I feel about Alex and I know how Alex feels about me. I just hate being apart from him. Some people might say that it is a good thing - and it might be a little because all we can do it talk (like when we're having a disagreement). And of course, we aren't tempted with everything physical. However, there's more to it than that. I think when you are in a relationship, no matter who you are, you need that physical touch. You need hold their hand, you need to hug them, you need to feel that closeness. And I think that is 100% natural. You love that person. You want to be close to them and feel their love for you.

Or maybe that is just me. I don't know but that is how I feel.

If anyone were to ask me for advice about whether to enter into a relationship when they know it is going to be for long distance - my first question would be, how long is it going to be for?

I would definitely say that I have really gotten to know Alex, and he has really gotten to know me. Like the real Alex and the real Megan. I love that. I think way too many people rush into things not even knowing what to expect or what to do. I would say that Alex and I are really, really ready for marriage. We have talked about sex, we have talked about kids, we have talked about debt, we have talked about budgets, we have even gone to see a financial counselor about our debt. Most people don't even think about doing that. (Which is why most all of America has some kind of outstanding debt!)

I am proud of Alex and I.

I think we are a very mature couple and are ready for what is to come in our futures together! I just wish we were together right now. Fall break will come soon enough, though! And hopefully December comes just as quick. Then, we'll never have to say 'goodbye' like we do now. I truly do believe that he is my soul mate though - and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

I think we compliment each other very nicely :)

That's all I think I have to say about that. Thank you for listening :) HA! (Sorry for the awkward ending)

Oh and PS! We're going to a Bears game on October 19! WOO!

flushed.

I dropped my phone in the toilet tonight. Not a smart move and I'm not too happy about it. Still works though, except some of the numbers. Stupid. Just stupid. That's all.

Tomorrow came late.

I now officially know the reason why I'm scared, why I'm scared to write a blog. A blog is totally different from my journal. It's like my journal has a lock on it - which no one dares to touch or even open for a second. A blog on the other hand, it really is just open to the public. Anyone can open it, anyone can read it, anyone can judge it.

But I have decided that there is nothing to be scared of. No one can judge what I do, what I say or even what I write. It's all my own; therefore, it is unique. I don't have to compare it to anyone else's writing because it's mine. However, instead of being intimidated by other people's writing, I can use other people's writing as inspiration.

Inspiration -
a. a divine influence directly and immediately exerted on the mind and soul.
b. the divine quality of the writings or words of a person so influenced.

There is no need to feel scared or nervous about silly things like this. I have really just realized lately (really I knew all along...) but that I get so nervous about confronting someone or asking someone to do something for me (really just having no confidence in myself whatsoever). I really am just scared that people are going to look at me funny or think something about me that really probably is not even true.

Now I'm just babbling. I think you got the picture.

Having a roommate now (one that I actually love :) has really helped me to "be brave" - like Jess often tells me to do. Not only am I excited to grow closer to Mindy and get to know her on a different level than I already do, I can learn to be more comfortable with myself and be aware of the feelings that I have - and that they really do matter to other people. Also, since Jess is no longer at LCC, I have started to realize how much it is worth to keep up the awesome friendships that I have, that I now have to try harder with Jess because she isn't across the hall anymore. (Although, the random text messages from her telling me that she loves me and misses me is always a great encouragement!!) And when I move to Montana, I will have to do the same thing with each one of my friends. It is going to take more work, and phone calls! in order to keep my forever friends :) Never in a million years would I want to lose any of these girls that I have come to know since coming to LCC and I know that I am going to grow even stronger just because of the extra effort I have to put in! And really, it makes me nervous, but I know I can do it! I have confidence in me!

I think this blog is going to be a good thing. Nothing hard. Nothing scary. I can talk through everything I am feeling (much because typing is a lot faster than writing) and not be nervous of what other people are going to think when they read it (especially my friends). This is who I am. I have feelings, just like everyone else on earth, and they are real. No need to hide behind them.

Well, this was fun and I am going to continue doing it. Thank you for listening and staying with me until the end. They may only get better with time.

mmmkay!

I think I have much to say, but no time to say it. Tomorrow will come soon enough :)

here i am again

As you can see, I really am ridiculously awful at writing.. at least on a regular basis. I have decided, here and now, *(September 6, 2009 @11:21 p.m.)* that I will be writing in this here blog at least once a week or something like that. At least on a regular dang basis! So! Tomorrow is when the first real life blog will come - dun dun dun! I am so ready for this! Until then...