Tomorrow came late.

I now officially know the reason why I'm scared, why I'm scared to write a blog. A blog is totally different from my journal. It's like my journal has a lock on it - which no one dares to touch or even open for a second. A blog on the other hand, it really is just open to the public. Anyone can open it, anyone can read it, anyone can judge it.

But I have decided that there is nothing to be scared of. No one can judge what I do, what I say or even what I write. It's all my own; therefore, it is unique. I don't have to compare it to anyone else's writing because it's mine. However, instead of being intimidated by other people's writing, I can use other people's writing as inspiration.

Inspiration -
a. a divine influence directly and immediately exerted on the mind and soul.
b. the divine quality of the writings or words of a person so influenced.

There is no need to feel scared or nervous about silly things like this. I have really just realized lately (really I knew all along...) but that I get so nervous about confronting someone or asking someone to do something for me (really just having no confidence in myself whatsoever). I really am just scared that people are going to look at me funny or think something about me that really probably is not even true.

Now I'm just babbling. I think you got the picture.

Having a roommate now (one that I actually love :) has really helped me to "be brave" - like Jess often tells me to do. Not only am I excited to grow closer to Mindy and get to know her on a different level than I already do, I can learn to be more comfortable with myself and be aware of the feelings that I have - and that they really do matter to other people. Also, since Jess is no longer at LCC, I have started to realize how much it is worth to keep up the awesome friendships that I have, that I now have to try harder with Jess because she isn't across the hall anymore. (Although, the random text messages from her telling me that she loves me and misses me is always a great encouragement!!) And when I move to Montana, I will have to do the same thing with each one of my friends. It is going to take more work, and phone calls! in order to keep my forever friends :) Never in a million years would I want to lose any of these girls that I have come to know since coming to LCC and I know that I am going to grow even stronger just because of the extra effort I have to put in! And really, it makes me nervous, but I know I can do it! I have confidence in me!

I think this blog is going to be a good thing. Nothing hard. Nothing scary. I can talk through everything I am feeling (much because typing is a lot faster than writing) and not be nervous of what other people are going to think when they read it (especially my friends). This is who I am. I have feelings, just like everyone else on earth, and they are real. No need to hide behind them.

Well, this was fun and I am going to continue doing it. Thank you for listening and staying with me until the end. They may only get better with time.